By now everyone has heard about the Qualcomm Broadcom spat. Qualcomm sued Broadcom over patent infringement and Broadcom sued Qualcom over patent infringement. They are like two little boys playing in a sandbox, and one says, "You infringed on my patent." The other one says, "No you infringed on my patent. Nyaaaah." "My patent portfolio is bigger than yours." "No it's not! Mine is bigger than yours!" As they continue to hurl sand in each other's face, someone said, "Let's get an adult (in this case a judge) to decide who infringed on who's patent." Well, the adult has finally determined that Broadcom is right and Qualcomm is wrong. "Not fair," cries Qualcomm. "We'll get another adult to decide because this one is biased!" Besides Qualcomm recently had to pony up $20 million to Broadcom even before the recent ruling.
The ruling means all new devices launched after 7th June 2007 that use Qualcomm's chipsets will be banned from being imported into the U.S. The stakes, therefore, could not be higher, even though the ruling does not affect handsets that are already available.
The point is it will in effect prevent operators from launching new models using Qualcomm chipsets in the U.S. market.
But Broadcom is being magnanimous in victory just as Qualcomm is crying foul in defeat. Broadcom is extending an open hand and is offering Qualcomm the opportunity of licensing its patents, the ones Qualcomm is infringing upon. Isn't that nice of Broadcom? The one kid is going to still let the other kid play in his sandbox even after the other kid threw sand in his face. C'mon Qualcomm. Be gracious in defeat, pay up to Broadcom for the use of its patents and everything will be fine. You still will be able to import all the chipsets you want into the US market. But Qualcomm says, "Waaahhh. Those are our patents, and (stamping its feet) Broadcom should pay us not the other way around." Qualcomm wants to make all this money just for letting other companies license its patents. Its fleet of corporate lawyers must justify their existence by insisting that other companies pay them, and they take it pretty hard if it's the other way around. Now Broadcom's corporate lawyers have smug smiles of satisfaction on their faces while Qualcomm's drag around with their tails between their legs. We can't have that.
"Our goal is simply to ensure fair competition and a level playing field, not just for Broadcom, but for the entire cellular industry," said Scott McGregor, CEO at Broadcom. "Qualcomm's practices prevent that. Their monopoly in CDMA technology has increased the price of cell phones in the U.S., and we are hoping that the courts will prevent the same thing from happening with the next generation '3G' cell phones. Qualcomm's monopolistic activities limit competition, stifle innovation, and ultimately harm consumers and service providers."
This sounds very reasonable, Qualcomm. Be nice. Scott McGregor is looking out for the whole industry and the American consumer, not just himself! Now don't be greedy, and (I shudder to think) monopolistic!
Horrors! Out damned spot!
But wait a minute! There's a missing piece of the puzzle. Qualcomm is being forbidden from importing CDMA chips into the US market. But Qualcomm is a San Diego, CA, USA based company. Solution! Make them here. Then you won't have to import them! And it would create a few more US based jobs. Problem solved! That'll be a couple million, please. Just pay my PayPal account. Fire the corporate lawyers. Save tons of money. Jeez, I might even let you infringe on my patent. I can't afford to hire a bevy of corporate lawyers to defend it. How would I even know? Someone's infringin' Lawd, Kum Bay Ya. You know, while these high tech billionaires play their little sandbox games over millions of dollars, the rest of us peons are just scratching out a living and playing games on our cell phones. How did we ever get along without them? We're living in different worlds.
To add insult to injury Qualcomm Stadium and the feckless San Diego Chargers are going bye-bye while Henry Samueli, co-founder and CTO of Broadcom, is cruising to victory as owner of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (just Ducks now, thank you!) ice hockey team since his team won the much coveted Stanley Cup this year in addition to its triumphs over Qualcomm.
But if my previous suggestion doesn't work for them, here's another one: Qualcomm and Broadcom should merge! That's a true capitalistic solution to the problem. They could call themselves QualBroadcom, and for a website QualBroad.com. Pretty neat, huh? But I've got a patent on the name. So don't think about doing it without paying me first! Don't forget my expertise in the name game! If the cell phone gig starts to fade, they could always go into the escort, massage, outcall business. You know Quality Broad Company, QualBroad.com. For all the conventioneers, conference attenders and out of town CEOs, where you gonna turn when you need a little excitement or dinner companionship? Why QualBroadcom! Satisfaction guaranteed for all of your out of town human resource needs! We are discreet and professional. Need a massage after a hard day of conventioneering? Just call QualBroadCom or log on to QualBroad.com. Problem solved! That'll be another million, please.
